January 2012
1 post
4 tags
Delicious Happiness
There’s a snack, appropriately called “Happiness,” which I’m especially fond of. It comes in a little pink bag, decorated by cutesy, bubbly white letters, with the slogan, “All you’ll ever want to eat!” Indeed, if I could, I’d eat Happiness all day, every day. Each “slice” of Happiness is about the size of a Dorito—large to a point where I can just fit one in my mouth. However, slices of...
May 2011
2 posts
4 tags
Canned, Barbecue-Flavored Vienna Sausage
Pretty good, pending your ignorance of the fact that they resemble flaccid penises covered in barbecue sauce.
4 tags
Instant Shiro Miso Soup
What is Shiro Miso Soup? What does it taste like? I haven’t the words to say.
How do people normally eat it? I know it’s a staple of Japanese diet, but is it like a rice that’s eaten with every meal? No clue.
What I know is that I enjoyed having it before my meal at a Fire Ninja restaurant months ago; so as I embarked on a quest to eat more Asian-y foods, seeing it in the...
January 2011
8 posts
3 tags
Making Herr's Mine
When I think of Cheese Balls, I sense this vague memory of enjoying them, but inconsistently so. I approach a… bottle(?) of cheese balls with some trepidation, prepared either for an enjoyable snack or for deep regret followed by fast drinking.
The latest shopping venture produced a gigantic… thing of cheese balls, of the Herr’s brand, and I will say now, this is the best god...
3 tags
This Is the First and Last Time I'll Review...
General Tsao’s Chicken is a classic stand-by choice for Chinese food, and this couldn’t be more true about my house. For at least 8 years, it’s been my brother’s favorite food and the only thing he ever orders from Chinese restaurants. Over time, it somehow came to be that both of my brothers, my dad, and I all end up getting General Tsao’s Chicken most of the time.
...
4 tags
Gangster Soccer Moms and a Chili-Cheese Dog
Half-passed noon, fresh out of class, mom and I in the car, headed down the road. The city is covered in a lightly sobbing white blanket, not so dark or heavy as to be gloomy or grim, but rather a light melancholy draping us, reflecting the nature of our morning.
Mom makes a call—as always, when she gets on the phone her voice shoots up in octaves, as if her receiver were on the other end of a...
6 tags
Dinner: Crusted Chicken Parmesan and Kraft...
FUCK. THAT. SAUCE. One whiff of that scent, and I knew it was no good. I already wrote about the fallacy of frozen sauce this morning, but this was worse. Was it marinara, or something else? I have no clue, but it was repugnant. Such a disaster on the name of sauce wasn’t coming near my chicken.
As a result, dry chicken that begs for sauce—maybe I’ll go back for some marinara, even...
3 tags
Saved By Cheese
MEDICAL EMERGENCY.
By the time we were back from school, the acid in my stomach was eating at its walls. Only one word could describe this feeling:
STARVING.
I should’ve paid more attention to the lack of fullness from this morning’s breadsticks. I’d briefly thought, “maybe I should eat something else, too.” But, I thought, school isn’t that long.
When...
4 tags
Give Me Breadsticks Or Give Me... IDK, Something
9 AM, some newborn sixth-sense recognizing a school day wakes me. Must write. Must have breakfast.
So much better than last night, the possibilities are endless. There are hours to spare, so the oven must be used.
New York Pizerria Dippin’ Sticks.
Advertised “great for snacking!” which doesn’t make much sense for something that must be oven-cooked, but then, I hardly...
5 tags
3:17 AM With Cookies
Zero Hour. 3 AM.
Must be up for school by 11—this is inconsequential; I woke up at 3 in the afternoon. No matter. Sleep will come in due time, and it will be enough.
But this hunger.
I don’t understand it, really. This strange sense—that I know exactly how long it will take to fall asleep and exactly what I must do to reach that point.
I must drink one more can of Mountain Dew.
And I...
3 tags
Great Value Mini BBQ Pork Rib Sandwiches
Comes as 2 packs of 2 sliders, sort of like a rib version of White Castle burgers. In spite of being called “BBQ Pork,” there isn’t any sauce on the ribs (contrary also to the picture on the box). They cook exceptionally well in the microwave, not getting hard or gross as sometimes happens with White Castle burgers. The first one was great if a bit dry, so for the second one, I...